We Interrupt Regular Programming to Bring You an Unsolicited Grammar Rant
Since we got a new apartment, I’ve been spending time on Gumtree, trying to source certain items of furniture. In doing so I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.
It’s not the fact that someone is charging $180 for a secondhand desk. It’s the way they, and the others surrounding them, have advertised it.
They aren’t draws, people. They’re drawERS.
During my unofficial research, I’ve discovered that more people think the word is draws than those who don’t. *sob* I’m getting worked up just thinking about it.
You might not know this, but I’m a selective grammar pedant. There are certain common mistakes that native English speakers make, on a daily basis, that they just shouldn’t, and it hurts my heart.
And in light of this new information about the death of the word ‘drawers,’ I feel a powerful urge to drag out my soapbox and deliver a rant. Seeing as this is my own little corner of the internet, I decided to go ahead and do it because the world needs its drawers, dammit.
Plural vs. Possessive
This one is my pet peeve, the king of all grammar transgressions. It’s even worse than confusing their, there, and they’re, or your and you’re. I can’t understand how it happened, because didn’t we all have years of English class? Aren’t we ambassadors of the English language? Then why can’t we get it right?
I came across this on twitter a few days ago:
Writer’s live twice.
My indignation was so great that it felt as if I’d been punched in the solar plexus. A writer’s what lives twice? Her pen? Her soul? What? I’m on tenterhooks. Hopefully it’s not her apostrophes.
Then I saw this a few lines down:
Lot’s of questions about…[blah blah blah not important]
Who is Lot? And what belonging of his are we talking about?
And the two most common offenders, which I see in some form every single time I go online and yes I’m talking to ALL OF YOU because everyone’s done it, probably even me:
The Fitzpatrick‘s are coming for dinner tonight.
I go running on Saturday‘s.
Okay I just said that last bit to be nice because I would never make this mistake because WHY? Augh. I’m out of metaphorical breath.
Guys. If it owns something, feel free to use an apostrophe. If it’s plural, leave that poor little ‘s’ alone. Unless we’re talking about it’s and its, but I don’t even want to go there today.
Faze vs. Phase
I was reading “The Moment” by Douglas Kennedy last week when I saw the word phase used instead of faze. It shook me so badly that I had to run to the internet and investigate, to make sure I hadn’t been using the wrong word all this time.
The editors missed it, thus perpetuating the problem. So let’s go over it here:
I wasn’t fazed when the tiger asked to borrow my shoes.
Let’s move on to the next phase of the project.
You see, they sound the same, but they’re different words.
Bought vs. Brought
Did you buy it or did you bring it?
buy = bought
bring = brought
I concede that it is possible to do both:
First, I bought a BeDazzler, then I brought it home.
If you brought it home before you bought it then you’re in trouble with somebody besides the fashion and grammar police.
This concludes today’s grammar rant.
Please accept my apologies, but something had to be said.
The drawers out there deserve better than this.