And Sometimes It’s The Chef

In the kitchen, I’m a recipe kind of girl. It’s like math – follow the recipe, get the result.

Maybe not the result you wanted, but there will be a result.

I had this idea for a YouTube series where I’d make a recipe – not even a complicated one – and the viewers and I would all wait on the edge of our seats for the results. Would it be a success or a failure? Only time would tell.

That’s because recipes don’t always work for me (see my CraftFail for reference). Is it me? Is it the recipe? The ingredients?

Lamingtons

Lamingtons for the win.

I’ve been a gung-ho baker lately, succumbing to a driving urge to make s’mores cookie bars, key lime pie, chocolate cream pie, lamingtons, and blueberry passionfruit bars. I also made jambalaya, pitas, bean burgers, and pizzas. My pinterest board, Recipes I Totally Intend To Make Someday, was rapidly turning into Recipes I Actually Made.

These dishes all came out looking like the picture (I know! Amazing), so I kind of got an inflated recipe ego. Bring it on! I thought. I can make stuff.

Two nights ago, I decided to make this:

squash pasta

Mmm. Squash pasta from The Year in Food, found on Pinterest.

The challenge lay in the fact that there’s no actual pasta – it’s made out of slivers of squash. Plus the sauce was an innovative mix of yogurt, peas, garlic and olive oil. A perfect summer recipe!

In someone else’s hands, maybe. I chose a squash at random at the farmer’s market. First, we couldn’t cut through the warty skin, even after using five different knives, including the bread knife as a saw. Once Jared managed to break the barrier, we stuck the two halves in the oven.

It turned out to be a version of spaghetti squash! AWESOME. I love spaghetti squash and didn’t know if I’d be able to get my hands on any out here. Well, I did, and then I promptly killed it.

Due to an insufficient quantity of squash (probably about half of what the recipe called for), I ended up with a surplus of sauce. Instead of doing the sensible thing and using less, I glugged it all in there.

Hmm, I thought. That looks a little soupy.

Squash pasta

Disgusting.

“It’s not so bad,” Jared said. “Maybe with a few tweaks.”

I couldn’t get through my bowl. The garlic was overpowering and the yogurt made me want to vomit. What a waste of pine nuts and feta.

“I feel sick,” Jared said. “The second bowl was a mistake.”

We stared at the mound of food still remaining. Usually we eat leftovers for lunch the next day, but I could sense that both of us were trying to get out of it.

“Maybe if we ate it with crackers.”

“Maybe it will improve in in the fridge overnight.”

The next day we both woke with firey garlic breath, despite multiple intense teeth-brushing sessions. At lunchtime, I got this email from Jared:

My advice is not to eat anymore of your dinner concoction…I am still paying for eating that second bowl last night.

I threw it away and ate a salad. Sometimes, the recipe fail is definitely me.

By the way, if anyone has any (easy) summer recipes, please pass them on – I’m planning a comeback.

 

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