In Bundi, Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick

Monkeys

So cuuutee...NO. That's how they reel you in.

Cheeky Monkey.
Funky Monkey.
Chunky Monkey.

Monkeys are cute, right? They eat bananas and they swing from vines and make funny noises and everybody likes monkeys.

WRONG.

Monkeys are selfish, vicious beasts dripping with rabies who screech and breed recklessly and will stop at nothing to get what they want.

That’s why you should always have access to a monkey stick.

Monkey stick

That's not a monkey stick. THIS is a monkey stick.

Before I go any further, I should clarify that I have never been personally harmed by a monkey, nor have I seen anyone be harmed by a monkey.

But that doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen, particularly in India where monkeys pretty much do as they please.

Especially in Bundi, a quiet-ish town in Rajasthan that is the front-runner for my favorite place in India. (Despite the monkeys.)

We stayed at Tarah Homestay, one of the many blue buildings right at the foot of Bundi’s fantastical palace. It’s run by Jitu and his family, who were kind hosts and great cooks.

The monkeys made themselves known before I laid eyes on them. When we arrived, Jitu apologized for a temporary lack of running water.

“The monkeys,” he explained, “they pulled out the water pipes. We’ll have it fixed by the afternoon.”

Sure they did, I thought, figuring this was India so a lack of modern conveniences didn’t really surprise me.

Jitu’s house has one of the highest rooftops in the area, which made it a perfect spot for watching the twice-daily monkey migration.

That’s when I understood that he was definitely telling the truth. Monkeys teemed down from the top of the mountain, spilling over the fort, streaming down a path next to the palace walls, and springing froom rooftop to rooftop.

leaping monkeys in bundi

Waiting in the queue to terrorize the rooftops.

Hundreds of big, ugly monkeys.

monkeys in bundi

Monkeys are made even more gross by their gross red butts.

Seriously, hundreds.

Well, at least one hundred, but hundreds sounds better, doesn’t it?

All of the residents stood on the rooftops to defend their property, brandishing sticks and shouting as the red-bottomed rhesus monkeys grabbed at laundry and stray chappatis.

I felt pretty safe sipping my chai next to a litter of week-old puppies and watching the chaos below.

puppy time

I'm a cat person myself, but these puppies were pretty adorable.

The next day we went to the palace and I had forgotten all about the monkeys.

The slogan for tourism India is ‘Incredible India,’ and that certainly applies to Bundi.

Bundi palace

View of Bundi palace and fort.

You can’t tell where the mountain ends and the palace begins, but I never tired of staring at it.

Bundi palace

One of my all-time best rooftop views.

We bought tickets to explore both the palace and the fort.

The palace was excellent. Virtually monkey-free and a great way to spend a few quiet hours.

Bundi palace

Elephant room Bundi

My favorite room in the palace.

Once you climb to the upper levels of the palace, an path continues on to the fort.

As the fort man checked our tickets, he mentioned something about monkeys. I started to sweat a little.

We were going into their territory, without a stick.

Idiots.

I spotted a few big ones tussling in a courtyard, dangling from trees, and perched on the palace walls. They roamed the top of the fort and rustled the bushes, unseen.

I’m sure the view from the mountain top is breathtaking, but I’ll never know.

After about 250 meters of tensely picking my way across the gravel, sucking in my breath when I saw a monkey, I stopped.

Agra fort monkeys

There's only two monkeys pictured, but how many more lurk behind the wall?

“I can’t do this,” I told Jared. “They’re freaking me out.”

We turned around, past a pacing monkey. My policy with monkeys is to avoid eye contact with them, so I trained my eyes straight ahead and quickened my pace.

“Oh, he’s following us,” Jared said quietly. “Just keep walking. That is one f*@k-off monkey.”

Seriously? He may as well have told me that the monkey was galloping towards me, teeth bared and dripping blood.

“Is he still there?” I was trying not to sprint and alarm our stalker.

“Don’t look back. Stay calm. Keep going.”

Falling on my face was preferable to death by monkey, so I racewalked until I reached ground level and exited the palace.

Outside of the occasional hook-tailed langur on the street, my monkey encounters were restricted to viewing them from rooftops or a speeding rickshaw.

But during the migrations I always kept the stick in sight, because you just never know.

sneaky monkey

Spot the sneaky monkey on the far left.

4 Responses to “In Bundi, Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick”

  1. These are really pretty photos! It must be awesome to visit such an exotic place first-hand. We have thought about going there too, but I can only get off work for a longer time in summer, and the weather might be a bit much in the summer months. But those monkeys are really disturbing! *g* xo Anja

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